Know Thyself- γνθι σεαυτόν

To know oneself is to consciously recognize and understand one’s own personal qualities, to be aware of one’s thoughts both internal and external. This knowledge includes understanding one’s personality, but not forming an opinion or placing judgment, one may do that, but only as a result of this knowledge. Simply put, to know oneself is to be aware of oneself as a person, looking past ones role as human and assessing oneself as would anyone else. Self knowledge is very important to a person, but it is a very intense, often difficult struggle to take the time to learn who one really is. I as a young adult, have only just began to truly delve into learning and understanding who I really am. Once one knows oneself one’s ability to understand and know others will become truer.

How can we know others if we do not know ourselves? Logically it is not until we gain the coveted self-knowledge that we can really know others, but what about the years we spend learning about ourselves? Are those years lost, do we have a fictional view of the people we call our close friends? If we do not know ourselves how can we know them? In developing my answer to this idea of the value of self-knowledge I began to fear that I really have no idea anything about anyone since I am still trying to understand myself. I have come to realize that there is a process to learning about people, self included. All important things in life are learned in stages, crawl before you walk and so on. As I learn about myself I realize why I react to certain things, my impulses and emotions, likes and dislikes and as I understand how these things come into play in my own life I gain a better understanding to apply to the lives of those I know.

I am a very self critical person, and it is much easier for me to think of my faults over my accomplishments. My biggest weakness is my inability to clearly discern if something is or is not within my control. What does that mean? To state this more simply, I do not comprehend what is my fault, and what is not. Since I cannot distinguish if an issue is in my control I suffer daily trying to fix things that are not mine to fix. From this seemingly small issue several more arise, my difficulty with control can lead me to become very anxious and often lose my self confidence as a result. The most detrimental effect of my weakness was the many years I spent blaming myself for my high stress level. Clearly, since I have been “high stress” from a young age, I always assumed it was because I trained myself to be that way. As time passed, and high school, even more intense then junior high, brought about more stress my anxiety level only grew. Here is where my power judgment came into question, I blamed myself for my stress, internalizing that everything was my fault, due to my inability to accomplish anything. My self-esteem was very low and I began to name myself scapegoat for any predicament I came across. Thankfully, with some guidance, I learned that my abnormally high stress level was not purely in my control, but it was anxiety caused my chemical imbalances in my brain. Stepping back and looking at my struggles, and the emphasis and punishment I put on myself I realize how unhealthy it was for me to put so much pressure and strain on myself for issues over which I truly had no control. To combat this weakness I have worked and continue to work tirelessly to develop compensatory skills to keep my initial reactions of ‘freaking out’ and blaming myself to a minimum. Once I evened out chemically, I began working to mentally fix my tendency of immediate self blame.

My strength is my leadership abilities. I am extremely organized, hardworking, and determined and these qualities when combined create a firm foundation upon which to build a strong leader. I use my personality to my advantage in leading a group. The fact that I am willing to stand and represent a group allows my friends to see that I able to not only address the concerns of my group, but also to listen to the concerns of others, as I do daily as a member of Student Government. This brings many of my friends to ask me for advice, since they know I am always willing to listen and help. It is my nature to be the “mom” to my friends. In this role I hope not to tell them what to do, but rather use any experience I have had or know of to help them, since above all my goal is to help people.

I have a hard time, contrary to the belief of most of my family members, talking about myself, let alone putting my thoughts in writing. Writing makes things permanent, and another weakness of mine is allowing something to be finished, final, and permanent. As humans we naturally do not want to dwell on our faults, yet we also do not want to seem boastful in celebrating our successes. Whenever I am asked to think about my qualities, good or bad, I tend to become somewhat awkward and I have a hard time staying focus. This is because my instincts tell me not to drown in my failures, but also not to be a brat either. This contradiction, a game of mental Ping-Pong that prohibits me from recognizing the truth makes answering questions such as these so difficult. If I am struggling with this, chances are that so are my peers (as we always hear in class).

Looking back in just this time that I have worked on this assignment I cannot believe the introspection that I have delved into. I do not like to think of my weaknesses, but the recognition of the work I have done to combat such weakness is always reinforcing. I come out of this assignment with a clearer understanding of why it is important to know myself, and just how much use I make of my self-knowledge. I feel that perhaps I have taken for granted too much my ability to “be my own friend,” a quality that I will benefit from as I continue to develop my strengths and battle my weaknesses.