Know Thyself- γνθι σεαυτόν

To know oneself is to consciously recognize and understand one’s own personal qualities, to be aware of one’s thoughts both internal and external. This knowledge includes understanding one’s personality, but not forming an opinion or placing judgment, one may do that, but only as a result of this knowledge. Simply put, to know oneself is to be aware of oneself as a person, looking past ones role as human and assessing oneself as would anyone else. Self knowledge is very important to a person, but it is a very intense, often difficult struggle to take the time to learn who one really is. I as a young adult, have only just began to truly delve into learning and understanding who I really am. Once one knows oneself one’s ability to understand and know others will become truer.

How can we know others if we do not know ourselves? Logically it is not until we gain the coveted self-knowledge that we can really know others, but what about the years we spend learning about ourselves? Are those years lost, do we have a fictional view of the people we call our close friends? If we do not know ourselves how can we know them? In developing my answer to this idea of the value of self-knowledge I began to fear that I really have no idea anything about anyone since I am still trying to understand myself. I have come to realize that there is a process to learning about people, self included. All important things in life are learned in stages, crawl before you walk and so on. As I learn about myself I realize why I react to certain things, my impulses and emotions, likes and dislikes and as I understand how these things come into play in my own life I gain a better understanding to apply to the lives of those I know.

I am a very self critical person, and it is much easier for me to think of my faults over my accomplishments. My biggest weakness is my inability to clearly discern if something is or is not within my control. What does that mean? To state this more simply, I do not comprehend what is my fault, and what is not. Since I cannot distinguish if an issue is in my control I suffer daily trying to fix things that are not mine to fix. From this seemingly small issue several more arise, my difficulty with control can lead me to become very anxious and often lose my self confidence as a result. The most detrimental effect of my weakness was the many years I spent blaming myself for my high stress level. Clearly, since I have been “high stress” from a young age, I always assumed it was because I trained myself to be that way. As time passed, and high school, even more intense then junior high, brought about more stress my anxiety level only grew. Here is where my power judgment came into question, I blamed myself for my stress, internalizing that everything was my fault, due to my inability to accomplish anything. My self-esteem was very low and I began to name myself scapegoat for any predicament I came across. Thankfully, with some guidance, I learned that my abnormally high stress level was not purely in my control, but it was anxiety caused my chemical imbalances in my brain. Stepping back and looking at my struggles, and the emphasis and punishment I put on myself I realize how unhealthy it was for me to put so much pressure and strain on myself for issues over which I truly had no control. To combat this weakness I have worked and continue to work tirelessly to develop compensatory skills to keep my initial reactions of ‘freaking out’ and blaming myself to a minimum. Once I evened out chemically, I began working to mentally fix my tendency of immediate self blame.

My strength is my leadership abilities. I am extremely organized, hardworking, and determined and these qualities when combined create a firm foundation upon which to build a strong leader. I use my personality to my advantage in leading a group. The fact that I am willing to stand and represent a group allows my friends to see that I able to not only address the concerns of my group, but also to listen to the concerns of others, as I do daily as a member of Student Government. This brings many of my friends to ask me for advice, since they know I am always willing to listen and help. It is my nature to be the “mom” to my friends. In this role I hope not to tell them what to do, but rather use any experience I have had or know of to help them, since above all my goal is to help people.

I have a hard time, contrary to the belief of most of my family members, talking about myself, let alone putting my thoughts in writing. Writing makes things permanent, and another weakness of mine is allowing something to be finished, final, and permanent. As humans we naturally do not want to dwell on our faults, yet we also do not want to seem boastful in celebrating our successes. Whenever I am asked to think about my qualities, good or bad, I tend to become somewhat awkward and I have a hard time staying focus. This is because my instincts tell me not to drown in my failures, but also not to be a brat either. This contradiction, a game of mental Ping-Pong that prohibits me from recognizing the truth makes answering questions such as these so difficult. If I am struggling with this, chances are that so are my peers (as we always hear in class).

Looking back in just this time that I have worked on this assignment I cannot believe the introspection that I have delved into. I do not like to think of my weaknesses, but the recognition of the work I have done to combat such weakness is always reinforcing. I come out of this assignment with a clearer understanding of why it is important to know myself, and just how much use I make of my self-knowledge. I feel that perhaps I have taken for granted too much my ability to “be my own friend,” a quality that I will benefit from as I continue to develop my strengths and battle my weaknesses.

Advice

I uncross my legs, then re-cross them, and shift back in my chair. I can’t help but glare out the window. My mind is racing as I mentally track the list of things I have to complete by the end of the week, and it’s already Wednesday.
The voice of my friend grabs my attention and I look back at her embarrassed for my daydreaming.

“So,” she says, “How is your week going?” her voice is so soft and kind that I feel horrible at what I am about to say, but I cannot lie.

“Ugh, I can’t wait for it to be over,” I complain, “I have so much work and so little time, I just want to be done so I can enjoy myself.”

Unfortunately this conversation between the two of us is not out of the ordinary. Often I find myself venting to Barb, who always reassures me that everything would be fine. Today, however, her response was different.

“I know there is a lot going on right now, but you know it is nothing you can’t handle, I just don’t want to see you wish all your days away.”

I paused for a moment, digging though my memory to our last conversation. Yes, it was the day before my huge history paper was due. Then it hit me, I’d repeated the same phrase last time. “I just can’t wait for it to be over.” I never realized before just how much I use that phrase. I had no idea how much energy I had put into wishing my days away. I should have realized it sooner; I have wasted so much time! Suddenly the day seems longer, and Friday is worlds away.
“This is not a perfect fix, as I’m sure you know, but rather turning the focus from wanting things to be over, to enjoying the process of doing them. You need to put worth on your time, because it is valuable.”

Never once have I put so much thought into how much time I spent wishing my days would disappear. Once the day was gone, and my seemingly all important task completed, something else would replace it. This vicious circle is what I am working on stopping, but in the mean time I should not be ungrateful for my life.

Once I applied her advice I had more energy to focus on my tasks and felt more fulfilled when I finished. The importance is to know the difference between wanting to finish something, and wanting the time in which you need to do it to vanish. Now when I am stressed, which is still often, I accept the timeframe and try not to belittle the value of my time.

Carpe Diem

What gives value to a life? What will those after me think of my days spent on Earth? Did I make my life worthwhile? These questions are very subjective, but there are main ideas that are universal. As depicted in Gilgamesh, love is the only thing that is eternal. Since we cannot live forever, how do we make the most of the days we have? Many abide by the philosophy of treating each day as if it were their last trying to treasure every moment, but in reality everyone falls into the trap of taking life for granted. When your time is up will you look back on a life of wasted days or accomplishments and legacy? I hope to have the ladder. In my eighteen years of life, preparing myself for adulthood, I have put as much effort into being thankful for my life and ‘doing something’ with it. Before my lift ends I hope to experience and accomplish many things.

My mother always told me while I was growing up was that I was ‘special’ and talented. In my lifetime I want to do my best to explore the talents that I have been blessed with. In addition I want to challenge myself to do things that are not innately easy for me. I am not much of a runner, I do spring and summer jogs around my neighborhood and that is about the extent of my experience, but before I die I want to run a marathon. This sounds silly since I am not much of a runner, but I try not to limit myself to any one thing. I was a dancer from kindergarten through junior high. Being a ballerina was no easy task and I was by no means born with perfect turn-out or perfect arches, but I used my natural strengths to progress and improve. However, when I realized that my reasons for dancing had shifted from a fun and gratifying activity to more of a job I knew it was time to move forward and find something to make me happy. I taped into my inner jock and decided that I would give volleyball a try. Much to my surprise I really enjoyed the sport and continued on to play in high school. Had I not challenged myself and stepped out of my comfort zone (and believe me it is big when a ballerina trades in her tutu for sneakers) I would have never changed and been dancing unhappily. This, I hope, will continue on for the rest of my life. My past experience seems juvenile, but not much else could be expected at a young age. As I mature I hope never to limit myself and always explore my talents. Not only is this important for me as a person, to constantly grow and search within myself, but it is also important for humanity. Too often I hear stories about adults who are miserable in their jobs. Perhaps they never explored other options or accessed their talents. I am aware that there are various factors which go into a man being unhappy in his job, but with baby steps we can make a change. Expanding your activities, not limiting yourself to the bubble created up until this point in life that will bring peace and a greater self understanding. This I feel is much better than going through life never knowing what you could have been.

Not only do I want to explore the things I have been blessed with, but I also want to seize every opportunity to learn. The learning I want to do goes beyond the classroom. Yes, I do want to go to college and expand my education as much as I am able in my life, but I want to learn out in the world, in real situations. Part of this knowledge will come from travel. I think it is very important to realize that there is a world outside of our tiny rich New England state. This is not to say that I do not love Connecticut, but I hope never to be naïve to other nations. I want to meet the people of these other countries, to interact with them in their environment and experience their culture, not just read about it. I love to learn about other cultures since my culture is such a large part of my life. Nothing makes me appreciate and understand my heritage more than learning and respecting others. I am lucky to have such opportunities for education. My father would never have been allowed to look at colleges outside of CT and here I am with long lists of various schools scattered throughout New England. I will not take this for granted. I want to put to use what I learn in school and the respect I have for other cultures that my parents teach me. This is largely important for humanity since the only way to avoid ignorance is to educate. Far less judgment and hate would occur between nations if they really understood each others culture and beliefs. This is not necessarily a perfect fix for all national problems, but rather a way to create a more understanding world. How can we judge other nations without knowing anything about their culture? We cannot expect them to understand our ideas if we do not take the time to fully understand theirs.

The typical pageant queen when asked what the most important thing we need will respond “world peace.” I am not trying to offend these women, but rather take this idea and apply it to my life. I want to achieve personal peace. I hope to become happy with the person I am at peace with myself. This also goes into my relationships as I hope to stay away from unnecessary grudges and fights. As I mentioned before life is short and I do not want to spend my life ignoring people I love because of petty things. I am very self critical and with maturity I hope that fades significantly. I want to push myself for success, but also to acknowledge my successes and realize that what I have done is enough. Peace is easy to say, but almost impossible to feel; at least for me and for more than a day. I have momentary peaceful times, days of personal satisfaction, but the feeling eventually fades away. More often than not I am judging myself. With maturation and time I hope to be able to experience inner peace thus allowing me to enjoy my days on earth however many they may be. All people should abide by this philosophy. It dramatically reduces tension; you cannot love others until you love yourself, and you cannot love yourself until you are at peace. We must internally accept our situation in order to deal with situations involving others. Not only that, but also a greater sense of calm would come about the world since we would not need to do as much for self gratification and praise. Rewards from others are nice, but self recognition is most gratifying.

I want to pay tribute to all the people who have helped me in my life. I plan to carry out the tradition and help people myself. I want to influence lives and I am not so concerned with the quantity of people I can help, but rather the impact I make. If I die knowing that I have helped one person, that I used my knowledge and experience to bring support to someone who struggled, then I will die happy. This is a large portion of what I put value on in life. The previous things I mentioned are stepping stones to this idea of helping people. This is also valuable to humanity. Helping others is a key piece to a successful environment. How can we grow if we do not have someone to help along the way and examples to learn from? There is always someone worse off. Regardless of how bad you may think your life is just remember that people are suffering far worse than you could ever imagine and revert your attention to doing what you can to aid them rather than sulking in your self pity.

“All you need is love. (The Beatles) Love makes the world go ‘round. (Ashlee Simpson) The greatest thing you ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” (Moulin Rouge) As you can see, love has been established as something very important in our world. We hear about it in songs and see it on the silver screen. I want to experience true love; to allow myself to love another person and to be loved back. Another aspect of love I want is to feel a mother’s love, from the point of view of a mother, I want to have children. My mom always tells me wonderfully sentimental stories about how magical it was when she had me, and how much she loved me from the moment I was born, but I want to experience that first hand. As I mature and gain more life experience I hope that my ability to love purely grows stronger. True love is most important, only love is eternal, thus for all humanity true love is something to strive for. We live on in the hearts of those we love; we leave a piece of ourselves with them. If no one loved in the world there would be chaos; love brings support, it anchors us establishes family and roots. From love we gain stability and a feeling of safeness and trust which are vital to surviving especially if you want to be happy.

Judging the value of a life is unique to each person. I believe a person who lives each day fully has lived a valuable life. He or she may spend their days working in a factory or teaching, but what matters is not what he or she is doing, but how he or she does it. So long as there is compassion and respect for their time and for those who they interact with what they do does not matter. A person must value his life in order to make it valuable. The key aspect is not to waste time or ‘wish your days away.’ I have a tendency during times of hardship to focus my mind on the days to come and ‘once it’s over’ how much better things will be. All I really do during this time is waste my days; I have wished them away. Nothing is worse then wasting days when you think of all the people who have passed away and no longer have that opportunity. It is cliché but true that we should live each days as if it were our last that way we do not waste precious moments. A valuable life is lived by someone who values and appreciates life. This person takes the time to look beyond her borders and to see the world as a whole and understand his importance in it.

Permanence..

What in our world is permanent? One may think his home is permanent; a solid foundation cemented in the ground, but will it not still fall if a hurricane comes through? Scars are permanent, but do they not fade with time? In life very little is permanent, including life itself. We are born, we live and die. Some live longer, but no matter what, at some point for every person life comes to an end. Gilgamesh’s journey is both physical and emotional as he searches for immortality. The response from Utnapishtim is “There is no permanence” (106). The notion that there is no permanence in life is almost like a wake up call for Gilgamesh and for humanity. We live today; we may not tomorrow so do what you can while you can so that you can make an impact on the world. We all want to leave something behind; to outlive us all.

Gilgamesh’s journey stems from a fear that most mortals posses- the fear of death. Utnapishtim’s response to his search for immortality is “There is no permanence” (106). Gilgamesh presents his question with a painful recollection of Enkidu and all that he has endured on account of his fear of death. Hearing that there is no permanence is probably not what he expected, yet it is the vital for Gilgamesh and all those who come after him. We will not live forever, thus we must live our lives fully and justly while we are on this earth. When Gilgamesh sees Utnapishtim he realizes that Utnapishtim is not much different than himself. “I look at you now, Utnapishtim, and your appearance is no different from mine; there is nothing strange in your features. I thought I should find you like a hero prepared for battle, but you lie here taking your ease on your back. Tell me truly, how it is that you came to enter the company of the gods and to possess everlasting life?” (107). Gilgamesh is surprised to see that eternal life does not look nearly as lavish as he thought. Utnapishtim goes on to tell Gilgamesh the story of the flood and how he was granted eternal life. It is clear that to live forever, thus outliving your family and friends is not a very happy life. It is lonely. Gilgamesh is so scared to die that he does not realize he is seeking to live forever, which is not all that pleasant. He resists death just as man resists change. Change is scary and mysterious. Gilgamesh’s acceptance of death is like man’s acceptance of change. Fear can work together with acceptance to bring peace of mind in knowing that change will happen, we cannot control it, but we can control how we act in handling it.

Immortality comes in ways we do not understand. Gilgamesh wanted to live forever, and although he physically dies, he lives on through his epic. Each time a person reads Gilgamesh’s story he breathes life into Gilgamesh’s memory. Likewise we live on through our legacy and deeds. What we do while we are alive is what matters, thus people live active lives in an ephemeral world. The only way to be remembered is to do something worth remembering, whether it is influences many people, or only one; we need to be active in our life to live on in the lives of those who come after us. Gilgamesh is able to deal with Enkidu’s passing by trying to find the secret of immortality, and although he does not necessarily find it as he expected, he continues the journey because the love he has for Enkidu will never die. “…my friend who was very dear to me and endured dangers beside me, Enkidu, my brother whom I loved, the end of mortality has overtaken him. I wept for him seven days and nights till the worm fastened on him. Because of my brother I am afraid of death; because of my brother I stray through the wilderness” (106) Love lives in Gilgamesh for and from Enkidu allowing him to pick up and continue the journey. Love is the only thing that gives eternal life. It brings life meaning for to love or to be loved is the ‘greatest thing you will ever learn’. Love comes from and lives in the heart. Once it is there it never leaves. Seasons change and situations change, but the love remains constant.


Nothing will last forever, so we try to live out our days knowing that it could be our last. I recently went on a retreat with my youth group. I was a little weary in going since many of my friends would not be going since they are now in college. I was angry at the fact that they were older and things were going to be different. Rather than hold on to my pessimistic thoughts I accepted that they would not be with me physically, but our memories from past years are always with me. Over the weekend I would think of them every once in a while and embraced being one of the ‘older girls’ that I used to admire so when I was younger. Change most often freaks me out at first, but with acceptance of change comes a much more pleasant experience. We enjoy what we have while we have it, and mourn losses, but only to know that the time comes for everything. Life is an ever-changing array of moments both good and bad all the while never staying the same. One sees impermanence every day. Jobs change, people move, we adjust. People die, we mourn the loss while remembering the life and hold onto memories.

Thinking About the Hero

What is a hero? One may say a hero is a man who is strong and tough; another may say someone who is brave and passionate. Is either wrong? It is hard to say, each person has his own vision of a hero. A finite definition is hard to come across. In usual circumstances a hero is someone whom one can look up to. Heroes’ posses the qualities we wish we had. They are able to endure things we feel we could not, and for that we revere them. In works such as The Odyssey and Star Wars the protagonists are considered heroes; however that does not mean that all heroes are villain fighting men. A hero does for others, selflessly for the common good. Odysseus is as much a hero as my mother. Although she does not battle live demons or face overwhelming obstacles of climate or travel, she does give of herself willingly and selflessly each and every day. A hero behaves in a positive and helpful manner.

Typically a hero goes through a cycle of hardships and triumphs. It begins with the departure towards adventure and ends with the return home. As this cycle used in literature and media works with heroes it has shaped our personal views of heroes also. This has much to do with the lack of recognition of heroines, since such a cycle of events was rarely fit for a woman. It is common for one to stereotype a hero. As mentioned before, each person has his own view of a hero. Usually when heroes are portrayed in stories, movies, or even the news, they are men. This does not mean that a woman cannot be considered a hero. A woman can posses the characteristics of a hero, the selflessness and will to do good, just as well as a man. Heroism is about how one acts, not ones sex. Heroes stand for what they believe, not allowing the influence of others to sway them. Due to the fact that our culture has been slow in embracing equality for women, the heroine is often overlooked. We learn from the past. In our history the woman’s job was to care for the house and children. No one saw these ‘unimportant’ tasks as heroic, thus the heroes of history are mainly the men who fought for our country. To break away from this pattern has taken many years, and still we are far from truly recognizing the heroines of our time.

Heroes are viewed as a cut above the rest. Many people have qualities of a hero, perseverance, confidence, or responsibility, but not all people but those qualities to work for the good of others. Heroes are willing to risk going against the common opinion, doing what they think is right for the common good.

To understand what purpose heroes serve to humans, think first about a world without heroes. If no person went beyond the call of duty, fought for others, putting himself at risk, what would we have to strive for? Reaching goals is an important part of life. Many people need inspiration to do so and a hero is someone he can look up to for guidance and hope. For some people, heroes make the impossible, possible. For others it is a source of strength to know there is someone out there doing good for others.
Bertold Brecht said, "Unhappy the land that needs heroes." Although having a source of inspiration in a hero is good, relying on them is not. People who cannot learn to act for themselves do not get to experience a full and ‘happy’ life. An important aspect of growing as a person and being a prosperous nation is learning and growing from mistakes. We learn nothing if we walk solely in the footprints of someone else.